How to Support a Friend Who Is Struggling (Without Overwhelm)

When someone you care about is going through a hard time, it can feel like there’s no perfect thing to do. You want to help, but you also might worry about saying the wrong thing, or burning yourself out. This post is for anyone in the USA, UK, the Netherlands, or anywhere in the world who wants to support a friend without losing themselves in the process.

Support a friend today!

1. Why It Matters: Global Context & Urgency

• According to the World Health Organization, in 2019 about 970 million people globally were living with a mental disorder. Anxiety and depression are the most common. World Health Organization

  
  

• The same report shows mental disorders account for 1 in 6 years lived with disability. World Health Organization

  
  

• A more recent global mental health review indicates that depression (≈280 million people) and anxiety (≈301 million people) are among the largest groups, but many other disorders also affect millions. Cambridge University Press & Assessment

  
  

• In the USA, around 1 in 5 adults experience a mental illness each year. NAMI

  
  

• Student population is especially vulnerable: in higher education institutions (UK, USA and elsewhere), rates of anxiety, depression, and stress have increased significantly in recent years. World Economic Forum+1

  
  

What does this mean? Many of your friends, classmates, roommates, or colleagues are likely struggling, even if they don't say so out loud. Support from peers (people who care) really matters. It’s not “therapy,” but it’s one of the most accessible ways to make a difference.

2. Recognizing the Signs: What to Look For

Sometimes, the signs a friend is struggling are loud. Other times, they are subtle.

Emotional and behavioral signs:

• Withdrawing from social interactions (even online)

• Irritability, mood swings, constant sadness or tearfulness

• Loss of interest in things they used to enjoy

Physical signs:

• Changes in sleep (too much, too little)

• Fatigue, low energy

• Neglecting personal hygiene, appearance or eating habits

Digital / life-balance signs:

• Disappearing from group chats, social media, or activities

• Academic/work performance dropping, frequent absences

• Talking about hopelessness, feeling worthless

Cultural nuance:

• Be aware: in some cultures (including immigrant communities, certain neighborhoods, etc.) people may mask feelings, use humor, or say “I’m fine” even when they're not.

• In the Netherlands, peer walk-in centers like @ease offer anonymous peer-to-peer counseling, showing that many young people may prefer low-pressure ways to open up. Wiley Online Library

3. What to Say (and What Not to Say)

Supportive Phrases That Help:

• “I’m here for you.”

• “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

• “It’s okay to feel like this.”

• “If you want, we can find someone to talk to together.”

• “You matter to me.”

Things to Avoid / What Often Hurts (Even If Intended Well):

• “Just snap out of it.”

• “Other people have it worse.”

• “You seem fine to me.”

• “You’re overreacting.”

• Telling someone to just ‘be positive’ or ‘look on the bright side’ without acknowledging their pain.

Tailoring by region / culture:

• In the USA & UK, people often respond well to direct offers of help (e.g. “Would you like me to come with you to see a counsellor/GP?”).

• In the Netherlands, framing support through community or ühend (“verbinding”) can resonate well: “Would you like to go together to @ease?” or “I know someone who might help — I can connect you.”

• Universally, empathy and humility are key. Being consistent (checking in) matters more than having perfect words.

4. Boundaries & Self-Care — Helping Without Overload

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Supporting someone else doesn’t mean losing your own wellbeing.

• Set healthy limits: decide when you can talk, when you need breaks. Let your friend know, “I care about you, but I also need rest / sleep / to focus on my own work sometimes.”

• Know your role: you’re a friend, not a therapist. Listening, empathizing, helping find resources is powerful, but you’re not expected to provide professional mental health care.

• Look for warning signs: suicidal thoughts, self-harm, inability to function daily. In those cases, encourage professional or emergency help immediately.

• Practice what you preach: engage in your own self-care (sleep, movement, hobbies, friends). When you take care of yourself, you sustain your ability to help others.

5. Practical Steps to Support Without Overwhelm

Here are concrete actions you can take. Many are small, but together they make a difference.

1. Just listen

   • Find a quiet place, free of distractions.

   • Let them talk without judgement or interruption.

   • Reflect back what you hear: “That sounds really hard” / “I hear that you feel ___.”

     
     

2. Check in regularly

   • A short message can matter: “Thinking of you today” / “Hey, how are you?”

   • Being consistent builds trust.

     
     

3. Small acts of kindness

   • Invite them for a walk / coffee / video call.

   • Offer to help with practical tasks (homework, chores) if they’re overwhelmed.

     
     

4. Share resources

   • Hotlines, apps, student support services, peer support communities.

   • In the Netherlands: @ease, local GP (huisarts), studentenpsychologen etc.

   • In the UK: NHS mental health helplines, university counselling services.

   • In the USA: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, college mental health centres.

     
     

5. Encourage professional help when needed

   • Sometimes peer support is not enough (especially if someone is suicidal, severely depressed, psychosis, etc.).

   • Offer to help find a counsellor / GP / mental health clinic. Accompanying someone can reduce anxiety.

     
     

6. Use peer support & community

   • Groups like BYOU Clubs or BYOU Friends provide safe spaces of understanding and shared experience.

   • When people see others going through similar things, it reduces isolation.

     
     

6. Supporting Across Borders: Differences & Similarities

Support looks different depending on where you are, but many principles are universal.

Region	What exists / what helps	What gaps people often face
USA	Strong network of mental health professionals, many peer support and community programs; crisis hotlines.	Cost/insurance barriers; stigma still strong; long wait times.
UK	NHS services, many universities with counselling; growing awareness; peer support groups.	Overloaded mental health services; waiting lists; some students unsure of where to turn.
Netherlands	Walk-in peer counselling centers (@ease), accessible GP system, student support services; culture more open in some places.	Some stigma remains; international students may not know how to access help; language / cultural barriers.
Worldwide / low- and middle-income contexts	Community health workers, local NGOs, peer-to-peer networks; often very strong sense of community.	Lack of resources, few professional services, stigma, sometimes legal/cultural obstacles.

No matter where you are: honesty, consistency, empathy are powerful. Even if you can’t solve everything, your support still matters.

7. Real Stories + Lessons (BYOU-Style)

Here’s how some peer supporters have done it, what they wish they knew, and what you can learn from them.

Story 1: Lena, University Student, UKLena noticed her friend-roommate was skipping classes, rarely responding to texts, and always seeming tired. She reached out: “Hey, want to get dinner together” — low pressure. At dinner, her friend opened up about anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. Lena didn’t try to fix everything; she just listened, suggested the university counselling centre, and checked in each week. It made a difference.

Lessons from Lena:

• Don’t force big conversations; sometimes small invitations (meal, walk) help.

• Regular check-ins matter more than one “big talk.”

• Know what help exists locally (services, apps, support groups).

Story 2: Jasper, Student, NetherlandsJasper’s friend, an international student, struggled adjusting: homesickness, language issues, mental fatigue. Jasper found @ease, told his friend about it, even walked with them (on campus) to the walk-in centre. He also shared BYOU Friends chat group link so they had someone to talk to any time.

Lessons from Jasper:

• Peer support works especially well for people who feel isolated.

• As a friend, your role can include helping them navigate the system.

• Introduce more than one option: sometimes someone feels safer talking anonymously or via chat than going in person.

Peer Support Communities, Why BYOU Helps

• BYOU Friends gives safe, peer-to-peer chats so someone has a place to talk when no counsellor is available.

• BYOU Clubs / Local wellbeing hubs give people space in schools / neighborhoods to share, learn, and support together.

• These kinds of community-led interventions are often undervalued but can be lifelines. They reduce stigma, build belonging, offer flexibility in how/when someone seeks help.

9. Tips for YOU (the Supporter)

• Be patient: healing isn’t linear. There will be ups and downs.

• Accept that you don’t have all the answers. It’s okay not to know.

• Take care of your own mental health: set boundaries, get own support, rest.

• Celebrate small wins: when your friend opens up; when they engage in something positive.

Make an Impact

You might not fix everything, but your support can change someone’s path. If you’re reading this:

• Reach out to someone today: send a message, invite them out, let them know you care.

• If there’s a BYOU Club at your school/university or a wellbeing hub in your neighborhood, consider joining or helping start one.

• If you're looking for support yourself, BYOU Friends is here. Find help now.

Supporting a friend who is struggling isn’t about having the perfect words. It’s about presence, empathy, consistency, and knowing your limits. Using data, stories, and shared human experience, you can offer real help—without burning out. Wherever you are in the USA, UK, Netherlands, or anywhere else, your care matters.